How To Ruin Valentine’s Day – For Singles

guy holding bouquet of roses

Want to really make V-Day TD this year?

Read on!

guy holding bouquet of roses

Here are 5 easy ways to trash V-Day:

1. Scrutinize all the social media posts from your friends in relationships.

Obsess over their gifts and dates, avidly comparing all they have with all you haven’t.

In fact, it’s probably a good idea to stay glued to your phone all day, so that you can really feel the full strength of discontentment. Don’t forget to search the hashtags on Instagram for “epic valentine’s date,” etc.

2. Feel sorry for yourself.

This is the crème de la crème  of celebrating V-Day for singles. To quote Nike, just do it. A melancholy playlist is a must.

Wallow in the self-pity, justify the entire pint of ice cream, and don’t forget to watch a romantic movie and have a good cry.

3. Be convinced that you are a 2nd-class citizen because you aren’t in a relationship.

This is a no-brainer. OF COURSE people think there’s something wrong with you because you don’t have a man yet, and OF COURSE the ones who think this actually have an opinion that matters. Dwell on it.

4. Fall for “Me-Day.”

Completely swallow the belief that this day requires that money be spent, even if that means you spend it on yourself. We are all entitled to everything, in this woke age, so absolutely rationalize blowing your whole paycheck. You deserve it.

5. Ignore the truth about your amazing amount of freedom as a invalidated single person.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT celebrate the fact that you have a lesser level of responsibility to enjoy than those in serious relationships, and a lot of time to spend as you please. Don’t focus on any positives, whatsoever {like the fact that nobody else is affected by you what time you eat, the laundry you ignore, or if you spend your evenings working out instead of keeping The World intact. Like your mom does.} Choose to forget all this, and give gratitude the boot.

Bonus: 6. Do believe that Valentine’s Day will someday be the fulfillment of every romantic dream you’ve ever cherished.

Cling to the fantasy that it will meet all your dreamy expectations, and that it will truly be significant validation of your personhood.

In fact, if you want to stay ahead of the game, go ahead and skip over to the “How to Ruin Valentine’s Day {For Wives}” post. You’ll be even more prepared for the Big Day, Someday.

Send this to all your single-with-a-sense-of-humor friends, and share the lovelessness!