How To Ruin Valentine’s Day – For Wives

Ah, Valentine’s. All the world is bathed in a rosy glow {it’s all that red-colored stuff reflecting out the department store windows}, and all forms of media, social and otherwise, continuously remind us that That Day that is fast approaching.

Hoping to absolutely ruin your Valentine’s Day celebration? Continue reading!

red roses

Here are a few easy steps to guarantee Valentine’s Day discontentment.

1. Embrace the marketing world’s definition of celebration.

Ardently dedicate yourself to being a disciple of the following philosophy: “Truly celebrating Valentine’s Day involves candy, cards, gifts, the color red, and spending money.”

Seriously. What have you, if you have not these things?

2. Do not, under any circumstances, communicate any suggestions of how you would like to celebrate the day to your spouse.

No hints, no notes, and ESPECIALLY, no open conversation! Leave it to them to sweat it out, desperately guess, and hope you won’t be too disappointed. Remember, angst is a non-negotiable part of this important holiday.

3. Be rigid and inflexible with how you would like to celebrate.

Going right along with no communication, make sure your plans are set in stone. There is, after all, ONLY ONE REALLY RIGHT WAY for you to properly celebrate this day, so be sure to pick something that you really want to do, but that is equally hard to predict. Then, make sure that the expectation cannot possibly be met, unless Every. Single. Detail. is in perfect place.

4. DO NOT read this article. {Just Don’t.}

It WILL ruin the shallow, self-centered meaning of Valentine’s Day for you, by explaining the conveniently forgotten origin of the holiday.

Finally…

5. Do think it’s all about you.

This is a must. Do concentrate on yourself, all you hope to receive, and all the feels you want to feel during this celebrated occasion. Be extremely careful to not think about anyone else – not those outside the family circle, and especially not your spouse.

BONUS: 6. When all your expectations are thoroughly disappointed, be sure to complain passionately to your girlfriends about how neglected you feel.

Posting a vague, yet clearly depressed, status update on Facebook {hatred for Valentine’s Day, the commercialism, etc.}  is also a great idea.  And, do not forget to give your husband the cold shoulder for the next 12 days. 

7. Remember that Valentine’s Day is the most important indicator of the quality of your marriage relationship.

This is it. If your Valentine’s Day doesn’t surpass all your hopes and dreams, your marriage may be in danger. Call a counselor today.

There you have it! Following this checklist ought to really guarantee a miserable Valentine’s Day in your household! And hey, for your single friends, there’s a {Single’s Edition} of this post for them – check it out.

Comment below on anything I missed.

If you enjoyed it, do please share it with your friends!

5 Comments

  1. Lecy | A Simpler Grace
    February 7, 2018

    These are so true. I have witness every single one of them from my friends over the years. Great tips!

    Reply
    1. Amanda
      February 7, 2018

      Thanks! Hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s day!

      Reply
  2. Carmen Edelson
    February 7, 2018

    Hahahaha, such a great read! Loved the posting on FB bit especially 😉 I hope your Valentine’s Day is a fun one!

    Reply
    1. Amanda
      February 7, 2018

      It was fun to write.😉Thank you, and I hope yours is lovely too!

      Reply
  3. Deborah Hunter Kells
    February 8, 2018

    Yes – absolutely – that would get it in one! Especially complaining to the girlfriends afterwards – LOL! To think that we could easily not “ruin it” 🙂

    Reply

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